𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐤𝐚 "ate 12 sandwiches & napped" 𝐬𝐮𝐢 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aquaveiled) wrote2021-06-10 12:41 pm
aquaveiled) wrote2021-06-10 12:41 pm
Abraxas IC Inbox
[ Letters | Network | Domain | Action ]
[ Letters | Network | Domain | Action ]
[ Letters | Network | Domain | Action ]
no subject
It just...stings. Bringing up old fears she has been trying to avoid, things she knows that inherently aren't true but sometimes cannot help but feel her only use is on the battlefield, so why not respond where she is pointed? But no matter the setbacks, Himeka is determined to be more than that.
Himeka looks down at the tart in her lap for a moment. A quiet, thoughtful moment. Then she turns he gaze back up to the now too bright sky. ]
I was that foolish once.
[ She waves her hand, bidding the light recede until the dome above them turns into a blanket of stars instead. The sunless sea. ]
I didn't think about who or why I was fighting, only that I was supposedly the only one that could do it--this particular job. So why not? It was the least I could do in turn for the freedoms that were afforded to me otherwise.
[ She settles her gaze on Geralt. ]
And in turn, I was part of a plot that nearly doomed my comrades and undercut the alliances between nations we had strove so hard to achieve.
[ Himeka sighs, dropping her fork to her knee. ]
I have made my mistakes and I want to believe I've learned from them. Or...rather continue to learn from them. We may not have been brought here by choice, but we can still make choices while we're here. I didn't elect to participate on a whim, Geralt...and not simply because fighting seems to be the thing I am best at.
[ Well, cooking aside...she wants to be best at that. ]
It is precisely because Solvunn has decided to start Summoning as well. That they had welcomed us with little to no quarrel was a boon at first and something I thought was just because they are a society of...collective effort? Everyone working together. If they truly have no interest in the Singularity then why bring others here?
[ She shakes her head. ]
I don't buy it. And I have my suspicions about their gods as well--beings they are so devoted to to the degree that they believe they can weather the war by being under their protection. I know not what experience you have with that even though we have done similar work, but...the one thing I am equipped to do above most else is face off against false gods. What that may or may not have to do with the Singularity or their goals here, I can't say. They keep their secrets and I am not particularly sneaky myself, as you likely can tell.
[ At least she's self-aware enough for that. ]
I elected to heed their call because I want to know more and to do that, I need to gain their trust. I will admit I feel some semblance of understanding if it is true that the Singularity does have a natural cycle of waxing and waning given duties I've had in the past, but I can't know if that's true for certain. And moreover, I also don't know if what Thorne or the Free Cities wanted to accomplish would be better or worse, but I'm not able to act on their behalf where I am now.
[ It's more than she ever intended to say or would normally with prompting, but it is something she has put thought into. She may be a creature of moments and whims in many regards, but matters of this import are something she takes seriously. If she were the same person she was five years prior...well, she would have a lot to answer for. ]
I am not here to defend Solvunn, nor did I believe the other Summoned were doing the same. Mayhaps I shouldn't have assumed as much...what I am here to do is try to find out how this affects our stars, our homes. So that we can all return to them someday.
no subject
Fuck knows he has nothing against spilling blood. He's done it too many times to count. But he understands the weight of it, when it is done; it is not so much regret as a simple acknowledgment that you do not do it without an ounce of thought or simply because someone has stood in your way or because you're driven by fear of what may come to pass. That the purpose behind it matters. And while he's not judging Himeka—unlike with Estinien, he doesn't know what Himeka did on that battlefield; it's possible she was only there to search for answers and defend herself, and he can accept that—he still feels like he's. Missing something. He'd come here to gauge whether Estinien will continue to be a concern or not. He's realizing perhaps the matter lies more with Himeka, who seems to have at least considered that there is some nuance behind those who have chosen to remain where they have, Thorne or otherwise.
There's a long moment before he answers. For awhile, it seems he might not say anything at all. Eventually, though, he does speak up. ]
I'm not asking you to turn your back on what's important to you. And your past is your own. Regrets are part of living. [ He hesitates. He'd understand the situation more, if Himeka sees herself as aligned with Solvunn and so views all of them in that light, or if she were actually so naïve that she truly buys into Solvunn's neutrality. She's stated otherwise. A disconnect exists that he isn't sure how to bridge. It says something, how he feels about Himeka, that he's even bothering to attempt to bridge it at all. ] I'm asking how you can believe what you do, and yet answer the matter as you did when I brought up your friend's part.
no subject
His question brings a pause as she tilts her head slightly with a frown. ]
What do--
[ Oh.
Another pause. Her lips form a near perfect "oh". And it dawns on her. ]
That...was a dick-ish way to put it, wasn't it?
[ It's definitely not the first time she's written off things with a callous remark, despite how her overtly friendly nature may make her seem otherwise incapable. She's learned to take a lot in stride and doesn't apply it all appropriately when she does. She takes a moment to gather her thoughts so she can convey them with the gravity he is expecting giving the circumstances. ]
You came here not just because you wanted to know what the other factions may have been up to, but also because people you care about about were part of it, right? I should have considered that fully when I spoke. I'm sorry.
[ Himeka shakes her head. ]
I saw the signs of violence but nothing so dangerous that it would be beyond healing. It's what I would expect, so I...kind of callously jumped to a conclusion I thought was impossible. Truth be told, if someone were in such dire straights and I had the opportunity to help them, then I wouldn't be doing my job--not just as a fellow Summoned, but as a White Mage.
[ A pause as she levels her gaze on Geralt. ]
Is she alright?
no subject
He sighs: not dismissive, just accepting of what Himeka is saying. ] She's recovering. [ His fingers curl lightly in the grass, unsure if he wants to get into it further. Himeka continues to speak of the Dimming as though it were in isolation, but he's concerned about more than that. About what it says. About what it sets for what's to come. About how easily things could've turned out far differently.
Ultimately, it's not his place to steer for others. He wouldn't want to, either. She has told him the consequences are not lost on her, and that's enough for things as they are. Where the state of the world is concerned, it's bigger than any one of them. His reasons for wanting to speak with her, for wanting to understand what it is she's doing and why, are more personal: initially to know who he can rly on, but—as they spoke further—also concern for her, for what she might not realize she's becoming entangled in. She's reassured him well enough of the latter; the former, though... ]
I am glad to know that you're aren't acting on anyone's behalf, nor believe the others are. And I didn't mean to presume your intentions. [ His voice is level, phrasing chosen with some care. It's something of an apology of his own, if not in so many words. ] It was hard to know what to think, when your friend appears unwilling to extend the same thought to the other summoned, about why some may have seemingly chosen a side on the surface.
[ There's a reason he'd found it almost conflicting, what she's been trying to tell him. Because if Himeka herself is only alongside Solvunn to gain insight, then would Estinien not consider the same for those in Thorne, as well? Unless he doesn't know, unless he doesn't realize, but that implies Himeka has not made her intentions clear to her own friend or Estinien is that oblivious. He isn't sure about either of those. And Geralt gets the impression Yennefer gives off; in truth, if Estinien simply had a personal vendetta against Yennefer, he'd understand. Fuck if he isn't the first to acknowledge how infuriating she can be. But he also knows Estinien was quick to accuse Sam of allegiances and supporting Thorne, in the man's own home, and Sam—Sam, he does know goes out of his way not to piss people off. So all that rolled together is...more complicated.
If it weren't for Himeka, he wouldn't be here at all. But he does like her. He'd rather not drop her as an ally if he doesn't have to, just because she's close to someone he can't trust to keep a level head. There are things he's yet to tell her, solely because he isn't sure if it'll cause more problems than not should it reach more volatile hands. ]
no subject
What he follows up with is curious, though. Though Himeka opens her mouth to speak, she forces herself to stop and give a moment's pause to reflect. In the end, all she can really do is shake her head. ]
He and I are of the same mind on that, though mayhaps he doesn't express it the same way.
[ Estinien may be more vocal about it, but Himeka doesn't hold any particular love for Thorne either. ]
It is more difficult to imagine tying oneself even for just a while to a power that has treated us poorly, but it also wouldn't be the first time. Even so...Thorne's citizens are not those that wield its power, nor are the Summoned there. I think what he's looking for are the "whys".
[ Himeka gives a half shrug of her shoulder, brows a little heavy. ]
That isn't to say there isn't hope--because I believe there is. I do think there are people there that want to see change there right now. Maybe once we've figured out if the Singularity is either the cause of or answer to all our problems, there will be less need for this war all together.
no subject
There's never a need for war. It's a symptom, not a solution.
[ It grows out of wounds too deep to heal, catches like fear. Consumes everything in its way. Even without the Singularity, he doubts these territories would not find something else to squabble over for power. What else is new? But it doesn't matter. He's accepted long ago there are those who look towards war as an answer. His only concern is that he and his people are not dragged into the midst of it for the sake of choosing allegiances, and in that, he at least trusts Himeka will not do.
He rises to his feet. ] Take care of yourself, Himeka.
no subject
Since she left her village, there has always been war. Some long and quiet much as what seems to be brewing in this realm, others short and violent, or anywhere in between. Does she think many could have been avoided? Perhaps. But it is often much more complicated than that.
Needless to say, she would much prefer to live in a world where there never was a need for war. Isn't that what they strive for?
Their conversation is ending on a sour note, but Himeka offers Geralt a nod and a quiet smile all the same. ]
You as well. If there's anything I can do, just let me know.
[ She does believe they're all in this together, no matter how rocky the start may be. ]